Fractured Fairy Tales

I’ve been sitting on this post for almost a month, and remembering that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day gave me a big enough kick in the ass to finish it...

My friend told me about a horrible movie she caught on TV recently - "Trust the Man." I haven't seen it, but apparently, these two couples are in miserable relationships (one guy is cheating on his wife, the other acts like a 15-year-old), yet at the end of the movie, all is forgiven and right in the world.

Sounds like every romantic comedy ever made (gag). Come to think of it, sounds like most sitcoms, too. No matter how intense the fights or how hurtful the actions, everything's hunky-dory in the end because someone magically changed between the Verizon and Tide commercials.

I started to think about all the crap I’ve seen on TV throughout my formative years – and I came to the conclusion that exposing yourself to enough of these scenarios eventually starts to erode any amount of common sense you may or may not have. Sure, I know it's only entertainment. After a stressful day at work, few would argue with watching a show/movie where the nice guys always win, love is always requited (even if not at first), and the bad guys always get what’s coming to them. Karma is alive and well on the screen. We talk to the characters, screaming, "What’s the matter with him?!" as we wait for the "tough guy" to crumble at the sight of his love interest – because she's such a "good" woman. He professes his emotions, maybe even sheds a tear. They embrace, share a perfect kiss, and the credits roll.

My friend and I talked about how damaging this can be for, particularly, the female psyche. Come on, we all know women (maybe even ourselves) who have at one time or another made excuses for absolutely horrible relationships because of such iron-clad excuses, like:

"Oh, he'll change because I'm a supportive girlfriend and I'm so good to him!"

Or the ever-famous:

"He was so wonderful before - I'm sure that side of him is still in there somewhere…"

We women are pretty good at internalizing and taking responsibility for other people’s bullshit. Popular media has this underlying rule that no matter how fucked up a guy is, if the woman is "good" enough or sacrifices enough, this will be his cure and will make him a decent human being. His life is in her hands, so to speak. If she can’t change him, well then she must not have tried hard enough – or she just wasn’t "good" enough.

Wow, I didn’t realize how fucked up that sounds when it’s written out. Seriously though, if someone has serious mental or social problems that were there before you and during you, they’re going to be there after you. It’s their deficiency, not yours. Stories like "Trust the Man" take the responsibility away from the man and put it completely on the woman. Now, it’s up to her to help him overcome his abusiveness/neglectfulness/immaturity/coldness...which is straight-up bullshit.

Banking on the other person to see the err of his or her ways just because you are a loving, supportive partner is not only a never-ending battle - it's a terrible way to live. As much as chick-flicks and sappy sitcoms like to show how people change, really they don't. And in the rare occasion where a person does a 180, it’s because they themselves felt the need/will/whathaveyou to change – not because they put you on a pedestal.

Of course, I don’t sit around and watch educational programming all freakin’ day – I like my crap-shows just as much as everyone else. Now, I’m just more of a cynical bitch while I watch ‘em. :)

On that note, Happy Valentine’s Day, and make sure your valentine is one that truly makes you happy – why would you want or deal with anything less?

Women's Studies exposed! (gasp)

There's been some shit-talking about the discipline of Women's Studies - mostly from David Horowitz in a November article for The Weekly Standard. In defense of non-traditional courses in higher education, I submitted a piece for RH Reality Check...check it out...

Toot My Horn....Wednesday...

I know - Tuesday sounds much better, but my newest piece for Rhrealitycheck.org was just published today.

It's what you get when you mix a study, sex-ed and Shelby Knox!

I Love Lily Allen.

Yup, we're in the height of the holidays, and probably eating much more than we're used to (I know I am! Belch). So, I thought I'd share this little PSA from one of the best musical exports from England - Lily Allen.

If you've never heard of her, shame on you, and check out her single, "Smile."

And if this doesn't brighten your day, then watch one of those damn Rankin-Bass movies...

Happy Holidays from violent activists...

Arsonists set fire to an Albuquerque abortion clinic on the night of Dec. 6th, destroying its exam room.

Witnesses staying at a nearby hotel said the two suspects dumped a can of gasoline through a window and then set it ablaze. Fortunately, no staff was present during the fire.

Officials are conducting a thorough investigation and plan to check hospitals for anyone admitted for "accidental" burns...

The clinic, Abortion Acceptance of Albuquerque, is run by Dr. Curtis Boyd. He is a founding member of the National Abortion Federation (NAF) and has been providing services in New Mexico since 1972.

Teen birth rates rise - wtf?!

Looks like we're finally starting to see the effects of abstinence-only education. Last week, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) released preliminary data on U.S. births in 2006. For the first time since 1991, the rate of teen births increased – kind of a big deal, since we had been experiencing a steady decline for the past 14 years.

According to the Guttmacher Institute, in 2002, only 62% of sexually experienced female teens had received instruction about contraception before they first had sex, compared with 72% in 1995. Coincidence? I think not...

Excuse me, can I have some salt for my placenta?

What's new and exciting in the world of new motherhood? Placentas! Apparently, a woman who ingests her own placenta has a better chance of avoiding postpartum depression and the "baby blues."

While there's no scientific research yet, women across the country swear by it. It makes sense, when you consider the hormone factor. The placenta contains estrogen and progesterone, both which sharply decline in women right after childbirth. Some women say ingesting the placenta stabilizes these hormone levels.

Now before you all get visuals of post-delivery women scooping their afterbirths off the floor and chowing down, it's not like that. Guides for eating placenta recommend adding it to lasagna or as a pizza topping. Squisito!

Jodi Selander dried hers, grinded it up into powder and made capsules. She now sells placenta encapsulation kits on the Internet.

Sure, it sounds weird in a bad sci-fi movie kinda way, but Selander makes a good point:

"We have a very sanitary society. Anything that is not cleaned up and pretty and made to be put on display, we do deem as gross. But the thing is, birth is a messy process and the whole act of bringing life into the world is a whole messy ordeal."